Elf Qrin's Cyber Lab

since 1999

What if Bill Gates Ran NASA

  1. "We come in peace" replaced by "We come to make money."

  2. New slogan: "Resistance is futile. You will be assimilated." (Oh, I'm sorry, that's the Borg slogan.)

  3. The first 2 or 3 Revisions of all equipment (rocket, space suit, etc.) kills its operators.

  4. Apollo 13: "Houston, we have a problem." Mission Control: "Please hold for Tech Support, and have your credit card number ready."

  5. Hubble Space Telescope flaw described as "a feature, not a bug"; astronomers told to squint.

  6. U.S. actually second to land men on the moon; had to wait for somebody else to do it first so we could copy them.

  7. General public still believes NASA was first thanks to superior marketing.

  8. Mars Pathfinder misses planet due to Pentium FDIV bug.

  9. Instead of actually building the International Space Station, NASA just buys the Russian space program and renames Mir.

  10. After buying the Mir space station and upgrading its systems with NASAsoft Windows 95, the on-board computer crashes twice as often.