"The Konscience of a Kourier" by The Kodeslayer

This porting to the warez d00dz scene of The Mentor's "The Conscience of a Hacker"
appeared on the BoW (BRoTHeRHooD oF WaReZ) newsletter issue #4 (April 1994):

This is the original article as it was originally published.
A more readable version of it follows:


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BoW BoW BoW BoW BoW Bo*       by: Th3 K0d3s1ay3r       *BoW BoW BoW BoW BoW Bo
Th3 f0110w|ng wuz wr|tt3n sh0rt1y aft3r my arr3st...

Wr|tt3n 0n March 20, 1994
        4n0th3r 0n3 kaught t0day, |tz a11 0v3r th3 pap3rz.  "T33nag3r
4rr3st3d |n S0ftwar3 P|racy Skanda1", "K0ur|3r 4rr3st3d 4ft3r D|str|but|ng
        Damn K|dz.  Th3y'r3 a11 a1|k3.
        But d|d U, |n U'r3 3-p|3c3 psych010gy and 1950's t3chn0bra|n, 3v3r tak3
a 100k b3h|nd th3 3y3z 0f a k0ur|3r?  D|d U 3v3r w0nd3r what mad3 h|m t|ck,
what f0rc3z shap3d h|m, what may hav3 m01d3d h|m?
        | am a k0ur|3r, 3nt3r my w0r1d...
        M|n3 |z a w0r1d that b3g|nz w|th sk001... |'m n0t th3 smart3zt k|d |n
th3 c1ass, | d0n't qu|t3 g3t th|z 3ducat|on th|ng...
        Damn und3rach|3v3r.  Th3y'r3 a11 a1|k3.
        |'m |n k0zm3t010gy sk001 0r k0mmun|ty k0113g3.  |'v3 l|st3n3d t0
t3ach3rz 3xpla|n f0r th3 f|ft33nth t|m3 h0w t0 r3duc3 a fract|0n, and | st|11
d0n't und3rstand |t.  "N0 Ms. Sm|th, | d|dn't sh0w my w0rk.  | d0n't g3t h0w
U typ3 w|th th3z3 p3nc|1 th|ngz.  G|v3 m3 a j0yst|ck 0r s0m3th|ng."
        Damn k|d.  Must b3 a drugg|3.  Th3y'r3 a11 a1|k3.
        | mad3 a d|zc0v3ry t0day.  | f0und a c0mput3r.  Wa|t a s3c0nd, th|z |z
k001.  | can play k0mmand3r k33n a11 | want.  |f | l00z3 a gam3, |t'z b3caus3
| d|dn't g3t th3 0-day 3133t gam3 k0d3z.  N0t b3caus3 |t d0ezn't l|k3 m3...
               0r f33lz |'m a w0rthl3ss inbr3d skumbag...
               0r th|nkz |'m an |d|0t...
               0r d0ezn't l|k3 t3ach|ng and |z thr3at3n3d by my g00d 100kz...
        Damn k|d.  4ll h3 duz iz play d00m.  Th3y'r3 a11 a1|k3.
        4nd th3n |t happ3n3d... a d00r 0p3n3d t0 a n3w w0r1d... rush|ng thru
th3 f0n3 1|n3 1|k3 h3r0|n thru an add|ct'z v3|nz, th3 lat3zt v3rs|0n 0f D0S |z
s3nt 0ut at a baz|11|on baud, a r3fug3 fr0m |nt311|g3nc3 iz s0ught... a 0-day
war3z b0ard iz f0und!
        "Th|z |z |t... th|z |z wh3r3 | b310ng!"
        | kn0w 3v3ry0ne h3r3... 3v3n |f |'v3 n3v3r m3t th3m, n3v3r ta1k3d t0
th3m, n3v3r trad3d 4p0g33 with th3m, may n3v3r h3ar fr0m th3m aga|n... | kn0w
U a11...
        Damn k|d.  Ty|ng up th3 f0n3 l|n3 aga|n.  Th3y'r3 a11 a1|k3...
        U b3t U'r3 azz w3'r3 a11 a1|k3... w3'v3 b33n sp00n-f3d baby f00d at
sk00l wh3n w3 hung3r3d f0r ANS| and k0d3z... th3 b|tz 0f m3at U d|d l3t sl|p
thru w3r3 a 1|ttl3 0n th3 w311 d0n3 s|d3 and | had a 1|tt13 tr0ub13 d|g3st|ng
th3m.  W3'v3 b33n d0m|nat3d by int3113ctua1z, 0r |gn0r3d by dum sk01ar dud3z.
Th3 f3w that had s0meth|ng t0 t3ach ta1k3d |n s0m3 fancee shmancee eng1|sh
1anguag3 0r s0meth|ng, and | w0u1dn't kn0w what th3y w3r3 ta1k|ng ab0ut anyway.
        Th|z |z 0ur w0r1d n0w... th3 w0r1d of th3 k0d3 and th3 k0nz013 k0p|3r,
th3 b3auty 0f the f|13 p0|nt.  W3 mak3 uz3 0f s0m3 t313f0n3 th|ng 0r s0m3th|ng
f0r fr33 w|th k0d3z s0 w3 d0n't hav3 t0 pay t0 trad3 -15 day gam3z and th3
lat3zt ANS| r3l3as3z, and U ka11 uz kr|m|na1z.  W3 trad3 cr3d|t cardz... and
U ka11 uz kr|m|na1z.  W3 d|ztr|but3 c0pyr1ght3d s0ftwar3... and U ka11 uz
kr|m|na1z.  W3 st3a1 gam3z fr0m rad|0 shack... and U ka11 uz kr|m|na1z.  W3
3x|st w|th0ut sk|n k010r, (cuz w3'r3 a1wayz |ns|d3 d0wn10ad|ng and up10ading)
w|th0ut r31|g|ous b|as, (cuz w3 hav3 kn0w |d3a what th3 h311 r31|g|0s b|as iz)
w|th0ut |nt311|g3nc3... and U ka11 uz kr|m|na1z.  U start warz and stuff, y3t
w3'r3 th3 kr|m|na1z.
        Y3z, | am a kr|m|na1.  My kr|m3 iz that 0f stup|d|ty.  My kr|m3 iz that
0f judg|ng p30pl3 by h0w much th3y up10ad and h0w k-rad th3y'r3 typ|ng iz, n0t
what th3y 100k 1|k3 0r |f th3y can sp311 th3y'r3 nam3 r|ght th3 f|rst t|m3
w|th0ut m3ss|ng up.  My kr|m3 iz that 0f st3a1|ng U'r3 w0rk and putt|ng my nam3
0n |t, and U  g3t a11 huffy puffy ab0ut |t.
        | am a k0ur|3r, and th|z iz my man|f3zt0.  U may st0p 0n3 m0r0n, but
U can't st0p uz a11!  4ft3r a11, w3'r3 a11 a1|k3.
                            +++Th3 K0d3s1ay3r+++

   This was edited from krad-speak to ascii.. if you want to see it in
   it's original glory, see BoW 4

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BoW BoW BoW BoW BoW Bo*       by: Th3 K0d3s1ay3r       *BoW BoW BoW BoW BoW Bo
The following wuz written shortly after my arrest...

Written on March 20, 1994

        Another one kaught today, itz all over the paperz.  "Teenager
arrested in software piracy skandal", "kourier arrested after distributing
        Damn Kidz.  They're all alike.

        But did u, in u're 3-piece psychology and 1950's technobrain, ever take
a look behind the eyez of a kourier?  Did u ever wonder what made him tick,
what forcez shaped him, what may have molded him?
        I am a kourier, enter my world...
        Mine iz a world that beginz with skool... I'm not the smartezt kid in
the class, I don't quite get this education thing...
        Damn underachiever.  They're all alike.

        I'm in cosmetology skool or kommunity college.  I've listened to
teacherz explain for the fifteenth time how to reduce a fraction, and I still
don't understand it.  "No Ms. Smith, I didn't show my work.  I don't get how
u type with these pencil things.  Give me a joystick or something."
        Damn kid.  Must be a druggie.  They're all alike.

        I make a discovery today.  I found a computer.  Wait a second, this is
cool.  I can play commander keen all i want.  If i loose a game, it's because
i didn't get the 0-day eleet game c0dez.  Not because it doesn't like me...
               Or feelz i'm a worthless inbred skumbag...
               Or thinkz i'm an idiot...
               Or doesn't like teaching and is threatened by my good looks...
        Damn kid.  All he duz is play doom.  They're all alike.

        And then it happened... a door opened to a new world... rushing thru
the fone line like heroin thru an addict's veinz, the latest version of DOS is
sent out at a bazillion baud, a refuge from intelligence is sought... a 0-day
warez board is found!
        "This is it... this is where i belong!"
        I know everyone here... even if i've never met them, never talked to
them, never traded apogee with them, may never hear from them again... i know
u all...
        Damn kid.  Tying up the fone line again.  They're all alike...

        U bet u're ass we're all alike... we've been spoon-fed baby food at
skool when we hungered for ANSI and codez... the bitz of meat u did let slip
thru were a little on the well done side and i had a little trouble digesting
them.  We've been dominated by intellectualz, or ignored by dum skolar dudez.
The few that had something to teach talked in some fancee shmancee english
language or something, and i wouldn't know what they were talking about anyway.

        This is our world now... the world of the kode and the console copier,
the beauty of the file point.  We make use of some telefone thing or something
for free with codez so we don't have to pay to trade -15 day gamez and the
latest ANSI releases, and u kall us kriminals.  We trade credit cards... and
U call us kriminals.  We distribute copyrighted software... and u call us
criminals.  We steal games from radio shack... and u call us criminals.  We
exist without skin color, (cuz we're always inside downloading and uploading)
without religious bias, (cuz we have know idea that the hell religios bias is)
without intelligence... and u kall us criminals.  U start wars and stuff, yet
we're the kriminals.

        Yes, I am a criminal.  My crime is that of stupidity.  My crime is that
of judging people by how much they upload and how k-rad they're typing is, not
what they look like or if they can spell they're name right the first time
without messing up.  My crime is that of stealing u're work and putting my name
On it, and u  get all huffy puffy about it.

        I am a kourier, and this is my manifesto.  U may stop one moron, but
U can't stop us all!  After all, we're all alike.

                            +++The Kodeslayer+++